Who Am I?!

I have recently found myself asking this question more often than one would imagine. It is one of the weirdest things to go back and read my old posts and to think, "I said that?!" On the other hand I read some others and I still think the same thing that I did back in 2008! Crazy!
Besides the tendency that I have to over analyze certain things I find myself asking this question, because back then- in the 09's it seems like even though I was younger I knew who I was more.
When you get out into the real world, working and dealing with customers, coworkers and bosses things just seem instantly more... complicated. For a simple girl like myself this can be slightly overwhelming at times. I occasionally desperately want to go back to the times when who got elected into Alpha Phi's Executive council was my biggest problem. The responsibility of my life and getting things right weighs so heavily on me now a days. It's not that my life is stressful, or hard, demeaning or lonely. It's just that I feel like my life has passed me by so quickly. Part of me doesn't understand how I can hardly remember high school.
The hardest part of the real world is realizing how much destruction can happen to your life so quickly and how much of it you do to yourself. Working at enterprise has opened my eyes to many many walks of life. I see how quickly other peoples lives can be completely turned upside down. Most of the time I'm so grateful for everything that I have, but recently I've only been able to focus on the negatives. I spend half my time (maybe not half) worrying about what my life has in store for me. I used to be so excited! Now I feel like I'm getting to old and my life is just going to slip away and I'll be sitting in nursing home with no family and a shattered reputation. Is this crazy of me to think? Maybe... Can I stop my life from ending up that way? Absolutely. It just seems that if I want to change my life from ending up all alone I need to really do some soul searching and that just takes up a lot of time... and well I don't know that I'm ready for that.
This is probably a big delusional post, but I had to get it out of me. Thanks for reading!

An Education

This is a strange strange world that we live in. Nothing will educate you more on that then going through what just happened to me. I'm blogging about this because I consider myself a decently smart and observant girl, but like many of my gender we are often too quick to trust and too quick to believe the best in people.
A few weeks ago I receieved an email from a customer I helped into a rental vehicle. By the name of Jeff Degolier. Jeff was a charming, tall, handsome 34 year old man whom I easily joked around with- but who at the end of the day I didn't think anything of. After receiving a thank you e-mail, we bantered back and forth through said communication mode. He was kind, funny, seemingly sincere and still very tall (this is always a plus). He got my number and we started texting- like crazy. We talked every moment of every day, discussing everything from his sisters death, to his 5 year old daughter, what songs are always stuck in our head and how many times we've had our heart broken. I had lunch with him twice, he brought me a slushie at work, we went to the zoo together. Things were going so well and he was so fun. On Easter Jeff knew I was all alone and brought me chocolate and gave me a "Happy Easter, I'm sorry you're all alone" kiss.
Sounds like the perfect romantic story right? .... Wrong.

picture of a Giraffe from when we went to the zoo

Monday morning I get a strange e-mail with someone with the last same name as Jeff... and it said "You know Jeff is married with a family right?" Needless to say I flip out and call him demanding answers- he gives weak, but plausible ones and I continue to speak with him although I'm now incredibly skeptical. He had previously told me he had gotten divorced in September- and I didn't think too much of it after that.
Now thank goodness for technology, google and smart friends. That's how I found out he was lying to me when he said he was on "work trips," "dinner with the boss" and "staying at a friend's house." After e-mailing his wife back and forth I've come to find out I'm not even the first girl he's done this to, but the third. In 4 years. He has a 5 year old daughter and has been married for ten.

picture of a parrot from the zoo haha

You're probably thinking- how did this happen? How did you Kady end up falling for this? And the truth is, I couldn't tell you. I love being liked, I wanted to believe that there was someone out there who could really love me from a first glance and who was kind and smart and easy to talk to. Truthfully, I'm sure that person is still out there- I'm writing this blog though so that anyone else who ever meets Jeff- or anyone like him can be warned.